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savoirefaire's BLOG |
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~~Yes, I know it's getting really lame of me to be posting up e-mail forwards on my blog for the humour and not write anything of my own. Spare me, alright? I have exams and I spent alot of time formatting this e-mail. I would like to mention that the views in this particular forward I received in my e-mail account are not my own. Enjoy!~~ If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee. (Hardly seems worth it.) If you farted consistently for 6 years and 9 months,enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb. (Now that's more like it!) The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet. (O.M.G.!) A pig's orgasm lasts 30 minutes. (In my next life, I want to be a pig.) A cockroach will live nine days without its head before it starves to death. (Creepy.) (I'm still not over the pig.) Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour. (Do not try this at home...... maybe at work.) The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male's head off. ("Honey, I'm home. What the....?!") The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It's like a human jumping the length of a football field. (30 minutes ... lucky pig ... can you imagine??) The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds. (What could be so tasty on the bottom of a pond?) Some lions mate over 50 times a day. (I still want to be a pig in my next life...quality over quantity) Butterflies taste with their feet. (Something I always wanted to know.) The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue. (Hmmmmmm........) Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people. (If you're ambidextrous, do you split the difference?) Elephants are the only animals that cannot jump. (OK, so that would be a good thing....) A cat's urine glows under a black light. (I wonder who was paid to figure that out?) An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain. (I know some people like that.) Starfish have no brains. (I know some people like that too.) Polar bears are left-handed. (If they switch, they'll live a lot longer.) Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure. (What about that pig??) Now that you've smiled at least once, it's your turn to spread the stupidity and send this to someone you want to bring a smile to (maybe even a chuckle)... ~~I still think the previous forward I posted up is funnier than this one. Oh well, brilliance is rare and hard to find~~ (0) comments --------------------------------------------------------------------------------- College is basically a bunch of rooms where you sit for roughly two thousand hours and try to memorize things. The two thousand hours are spread out over four years; you spend the rest of the time drinking,sleeping and trying to get dates. Basically, you learn two kinds of things in college: 1.Things you will need to know in later life (two hours). These include how to make collect telephone calls and get beer and crepe-paper stains out of your pajamas. 2.Things you will not need to know in later life (1,998 hours). These are the things you learn in classes whose names end in -ology, -osophy, -istry, -ics, and so on. The idea is, you memorize these things, then write them down in little exam books, then forget them. If you fail to forget them, you become a professor and have to stay in college for the rest of your life. After you've been in college for a year or so, you're supposed to choose a major, which is the subject you intend to memorize and forget the most things about. Here is a very important piece of advice: Be sure to choose a major that does not involve Known Facts and Right Answers. This means you must not major in mathematics, physics, biology, or chemistry, because these subjects involve actual facts. If, for example, you major in mathematics, you're going to wander into class one day and the professor will say: "Define the cosine integer of the quadrant of a rhomboid binary axis, and extrapolate your result to five significant vertices." If you don't come up with exactly the answer the professor has in mind, you fail. The same is true of chemistry: if you write in your exam book that carbon and hydrogen combine to form oak, your professor will flunk you. He wants you to come up with the same answer he and all the other chemists have agreed on. Scientists are extremely snotty about this. So you should major in subjects like English, philosophy, psychology, and sociology -- subjects in which nobody really understands what anybody else is talking about, and which involve virtually no actual facts. a quick overview of each: 1.ENGLISH: This involves writing papers about long books you have read little snippets of just before class. Here is a tip on how to get good grades on your English papers: Never say anything about a book that anybody with any common sense would say. For example, suppose you are studying Moby-Dick. Anybody with any common sense would say that Moby Dick is a big white whale, since the characters in the book refer to it as a big white whale roughly eleven thousand times. So in your paper, you say Moby-Dick is actually the Republic of Ireland. Your professor, who is sick to death of reading papers and never liked Moby Dick anyway, will think you are enormously creative. If you can regularly come up with lunatic interpretations of simple stories, you should major in English. 2.PHILOSOPHY: Basically, this involves sitting in a room and deciding there is no such thing as reality and then going to lunch. You should major in philosophy if you plan to take a lot of drugs. 3.PSYCHOLOGY: This involves talking about rats and dreams. Psychologists are obsessed with rats and dreams. I once spent an entire semester training a rat to punch little buttons in a certain sequence, then training my roommate to do the same thing. The rat learned much faster. My roommate is now a doctor. If you like rats or dreams, and above all if you dream about rats, you should major in psychology. 4.SOCIOLOGY: For sheer lack of intelligibility, sociology is far and away the number one subject. I sat through hundreds of hours of sociology courses, and read gobs of sociology writing, and I never once heard or read a coherent statement. This is because sociologists want to be considered scientists, so they spend most of their time translating simple, obvious observations into scientific - sounding code. If you plan to major in sociology, you'll have to learn to do the same thing. For example, suppose you have observed that children cry when they fall down. You should write: "Methodological observation of the sociometrical behavior tendencies of prematurated isolates indicates that a casual relationship exists between groundward tropism and lachrimatory, or 'crying,' behavior forms." If you can keep this up for fifty or sixty pages, you will get large government grants. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I know for a fact it's written by some guy in the US (and not my friend) and me thinks...it's possibly completely true! (0) comments  Garage rock! I like you... I like you alot! You and indie are on the same plane for me! You bring rock'n'roll down to its dirty roots, whether being minimalist like The White Stripes or retro like The Strokes. You keep on doing what you're doing! Oh...and did I mention I like you alot? What genre of rock are you? brought to you by Quizilla  A GAME-BOY. Youre like a tomboy without the love of sports. Reality sucks, but as long as you have your electronics you feel you can cope. Time goes unnoticed when youre locked in your room hooked up to your Nintendo, rocking to your favourite collection of guitar-driven albums. Your virtues: Intelligence, sense-of-humour, individuality. Your flaws: Inability to cope with real life, action-freak spirit, reclusive nature. Your Personality type is the only type that would like this cool Vampire Game: www.life-blood.vze.com What kind of girl are you? brought to you by Quizilla  Volo anaticulum cumminosam meam! "I want my rubber ducky!" Okay, so you're a little childish. You know how to have a good time. Which Weird Latin Phrase Are You? brought to you by Quizilla __________________________________________________________________________________ I only did the ones I felt like doing. :P (0) comments From Deborrah Cooper and AskHeartBeat.Com. The El Nino Kiss. Those who went though the winter storms here on the West Coast know what I'm talking about! This is a kiss with entirely too much water. You are drooled on, slobbered on and when the kiss is over, you feel the need for a towel and maybe a shower. If you have a salivary gland problem, or your partner just makes you drool with lust, try SWALLOWING before you start KISSING. The Iguana. Crusty, crunchy, scaly lips are OUT. This is a true case of lizard lips! Keep that kisser soft and touchable. If you run your lips gently across your lovers neck, cheek and lips, they shouldn't be left with what look like paper cuts. The Prozac Kiss. You might wonder if this tongue needs tranquilizers, as it appears to be having a nervous breakdown! Fast, furious, darting or high-speed swirling motions reminiscent of a washing machine on the rinse cycle. Interesting I suppose, if you're into that sort of "household instrument" thing. The Cave. In this instance your partner's mouth is open so wide that your tongue meets nothing but air on all sides! There is no exchange of sensation. It's like you're kissing by yourself! Try saying something and see if you hear an echo! The Dirty Harry. Guys, either grow a beard or shave. That 5 o'clock shadow thing looks cute, but it can wreck havoc on a woman's tender body. Whisker burn just plain hurts. You don't know what it feels like to have sand papery stubble pierce the skin around your eyes or cheeks! With half her face scraped off, a woman feels less than romantic and is more inclined to get up to seek medical treatment than she is to get busy. Trolling for Tonsils. Everybody likes tongue kissing, but my goodness! A little restraint on the depth of the kiss might be in order. If you have a tendency to extend your tongue to its full length in your partners mouth, be sure to check for a pulse when you get through. The Kiss of Death. You would swear that there is a body buried around here somewhere, because the smell of decomposition is mighty strong! Brush those teefis! Use one of the vast selections of mouthwashes on the market. Hey, they even come in various colors, so it's possible to find one that coordinates with your bathroom décor! Get a new toothbrush every 3 months! Visit your dentist and check for gum disease and cavities, both of which contribute to bad breath. Eat more fruits, vegetables, and drink more water to keep your insides clean too. From Virtual Kissing School: Kissing is about as personal a pastime as there is, and hence each person will have their own style, philosophies, and 'moves.' At the same time, kissing is an EXERCISE IN COMPROMISE. Any kisser who is unwilling to adjust to their partner is... well... not a very good kisser. Good kissing is all about finding middle ground (and the negotiations can be a heck of a lot of fun!) No one is a good kisser by themselves... kissing requires cooperation and teamwork from BOTH PEOPLE. As soon as you forget that, you risk falling to the DARK SIDE OF KISSING. Setting and situation also have a great deal to do with successful kissing, and adjustments must be made in regards to these important elements. Only YOU can judge the various external and internal factors which affect what kind of kissing you are doing. Ignore them at your own risk... for a good kisser takes EVERYTHING into consideration. The best thing to remember when starting to kiss is to keep things simple. There is really no need to get carried away with strange and exotic techniques, nibbling, biting, groping, etc. etc. etc., especially when you're just starting out. A kiss is generally great no matter how basic, and everything else just adds things that can go wrong. Of course, everything else definitely has its place (and how!)... but it's really best to START SIMPLE. From About.com: What we will never, ever say is, "God, you're a lousy kisser. I was going to have sex with you until just this moment." This is one of the ways in which men and women differ. If a man is very attracted to a woman but discovers she's a bad or mediocre kisser, he'll probably have sex with her anyway if presented with the opportunity. A woman can't get past a bad kiss. (Unless, of course, she's a horrible kisser herself, but we're not talking about those women here.) Experience has shown most women that a bad kiss only spells trouble down the road, so to speak. After all, if he hasn't mastered kissing and fails to see its sensual possibilities, what hope is there for, ahem, anything else? ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ It's important to perfect your pucker. >.< (0) comments Oh Yes, Wyoming! (0) comments 
Mighty mouse...what would I do without you? *swoons* (0) comments As much as I suck at like art and the like, you know, painting, designing, colouring and all that, I have actually won a prize in an art competition before. Unbelievable but true. It's cool 'cos it was an on-the-spot thing, I was only eleven, and the painting is actually framed up and hung somewhere in me old primary school (grades 1-6). I didn't draw orange humans with no fingers or grinning animals with human like facial features or shit like that...I drew our old school building, the front porch, the trees with its orange flowers, the shelter parking space for the principal's car, details like the tiny spotlight directly above the driveway and the tinted huge french windows into the art room at the attic and the white-washed arches of the walkway and the gravel road with the sky being a strange blue my friends and I mixed into this bowl and shared amongst ourselves. It was a beautiful 58 year old building they tore down soon after that competition and it was a huge ass A3 sized thing and filled with colour to the corners and all. Unfortunately, never paid much attention to perfecting the art, you know, actually making the effort to being good at it. I like doodling now, and I doodle everywhere, during class on my notes, on my hand, all the time. But that's where it ends. I think it's still good that I am able to appreciate art as much as I do. It just adds to pile of things I wish I could master but never really will. We all have that list. Yayy for me semi-scientific brain! :P (0) comments For those of you who have been bugging me to take the okcupid.com test when I had already done it a long time back, and somehow are extremely curious about my type...it's....The Window-shopper...makes me sound soo innocent....what a farce....rawrrr! *cat claws* :P Oh nvm. I hate tests..I hate stereotypes...la la la ! Not that it's gonna stop me from taking tests or reading about personality types, it's all very....errmm....interesting. :D (0) comments This is working on the principle on how I think Esther Canadas and Mark Vanderloo were sooo adorable together (unfortunately they divorced..) then again, it's all just a weird superficial thing I subscribe too...like my fascination with fantasy paintings...it's all aesthetics to me. :P Which reminds me...man, check out Michael Whelan. His paintings have never failed to mesmerize...and I have been a fan for like 5 years now...great stuff! (0) comments The answer is a big FAT .....Negative. Let me try and do a rundown on the days...Let's see...Saturday...I ate...slept...watched loads of tv including FHM's bikini heaven, which boys...was the most hilarious thing I have ever ever watched. Oh yeah..there were loads of boobies. I am soooo glad they picked the most funny chick from France as the winner...she was mind-blowingly hilarious (and hot too, somewhat).Click here to see what I mean...ehehehe. After the show I chatted, surfed and went to bed only to wake up really late the next day, eat, dl loads of The O.C. which I tell you is the most addictive TV show I have seen in a looong time...(and yes, I haven't watched television in a long time). I mean it doesnt rank anywhere close to Scrubs...but it's compelling enough for a teenage drama. Maybe it's got to do with how the actors are kinda cute...maybe it's the clothes (I tell you, loads of beautiful clothes the girlies wear indeed)...on the other hand, my dear brother who's in the US just told me last night that Tru Calling is a better show...well, thanks to dear....ahem...I might just try and see if it is. With soo many distractions at home like the comp that's better than my laptop (even though it hung like a biatch) and food, and like a nice nice bed and people...who could blame me for being soo lazy? LOL. Ultimately, if I don't get cracking now...I never will...and then I will die...and then I will burn in hell...and then my family members will take the form of funky demons and torture me further as I burn in hell. AARRRGGGGHHHHHH...I must stop being soo imaginatively cruel to myself (0) comments We're going to be friends - White Stripes (from the White Blood Cells album, 2001) Fall is here, hear the yell back to school, ring the bell brand new shoes, walking blues climb the fence, books and pens I can tell that we're going to be friends Walk with me, Suzy Lee through the park and by the tree we will rest upon the ground and look at all the bugs we found then safely walk to school without a sound Well here we are, no one else we walked to school all by ourselves there's dirt on our uniforms from chasing all the ants and worms we clean up and now its time to learn Numbers, letters, learn to spell nouns, and books, and show and tell at playtime we will throw the ball back to class, through the hall teacher marks our height against the wall And we don't notice any time pass we don't notice anything we sit side by side in every class teacher thinks that I sound funny but she likes the way you sing Tonight I'll dream while in my bed when silly thoughts go through my head about the bugs and alphabet and when I wake tomorrow I'll bet that you and I will walk together again cause I can tell that we're going to be friends ----------------------------------------------- An absolutely heart-warming song that is. *melts* On other news, I was wondering what sleeping with music on was doing to my brain...especially with White Stripes, 'cos towards the end of the White Blood Cells album, where the above song is from, it gets scarily noisy...I mean, scary if you get awakened by it wondering what the fuck the racket is all about only to realise that "hey, I left the CD player on". Upon much googling(TM), I found this : Hemisound Music and sounds made specifically for better sleep. Apparently it has to do with interfering with brain waves and whatnot. Hmmmmmm.....methinks me music is scattering me brain waves all over the universe by playing good old White Stripes while me sleeps...sad, but detrimentally true...*tear* (0) comments I Love death - The most amazing flash I have seen Must eat pie...like weebl....wheee.... Quote for today: "She flies on her own wing"...then...get off mine then...*flicks* (0) comments Today is the April the 15th. And today in history... In 1923, Insulin became available for use by diabetics. In 1912, the RMS Titanic sank. In 1983, the Tokyo Disneyland opened. In 1989, the Tiananman Square protests began. Amongst other things, today is the last day in the US to file Income Tax returns, so post offices in the US stay open 'til midnight. If you wanna know more about this day in history click here. I wanted to make today feed the ants day, as I poured some canned drink on the pavement this morning hoping ants would benefit from all the sugar (and maybe some of the cyclic compounds and whatnot in it). I am not sure if I was successful. C'est La Vie. (0) comments Ahh...Okay...smashing new layout courtesy of some researching (from the blogs of others). There are some talented people out there who make loads of blog skins during their free time so that neophytes like myself can reap benefits. Nevertheless, this took hours! (I am addicted to this, I can't help it, even when I know horrid exams are in 15 days! =|) So I have this wonderful number guessing game on the right. Although I did manage to learn how to write its script in my Java(TM) class in Uni., I had to basically rip it off the blog skin...but I know I can do it with enough time and patience...:D I would like to also mention that blue is simple the best, most gorgeous colour ever! Without it, life would be...well...blue...so it is indispensible...I knew we could never do without it. Hmmm...I wonder how the colour-blind people survive...wait...they can see blue...they can't see red and green...mwahahahaha *egotrips self for the colour* I would like to write a limerick in celebration, an ode to the colour blue. There was once a colour that was blue, Which looked gorgeous on a suede shoe, When worn by singer Elvis, Who much wiggled his pelvis, 'Til he yelled "Oh babe, I got you!" I apologise to those who much revere Elvis Presley, I am really guessing he did yell "Oh babe, I got you!" at some point in his lifetime, whether when he wiggled his pelvis or not. And for those you smarty-pants who realise this limerick isn't exactly an ode to the colour blue...bugger off! I gotta work, man. Toodles (0) comments Aha...I manage to add a blogchalk(TM), a tagboard(TM) and a Commentor (courtesy of Haloscan.com) all thanks to Faiza's site and Faiza herself. God bless chronic-bloggers! If only blogs were trees! Well actually, then we would be the primary reason why there's deforestation...forget what I said then. I would like to ermm warn you guys about the different intentions I have for the commentor and the tagboard. You see, if you have something to say about a post, you COMMENT. If you have something to say in general, to me, to the people who read this blog, to any random joe who googles(TM) "savoirefaire" and perhaps stumbles upon this site, or you merely want to be random and say something which has got nothing to do with anything (an oxymoron that is!) then you type into the tagboard! It's all really simple to understand. Do the right thing. Carpe diem. (0) comments This is my new blogchalk: Singapore, Singapore, English, Hindi, Sandhya, Female, 16-20, Reading, Eating. :) (0) comments Okay..I would want to make this journal a little more coherent, entertaining and light-hearted than the others. And I shall try hard. Well, not too hard that you people start calling me a sellout. Unfortunately, this site has to become a little more sophisticated..you know with tag-boards and guestbooks and the whole shebang. Shebang is a funny word. I mean...how would something that involves "everything involved in what is under consideration" (I did steal this from www.m-w.com) be related to well, to the initial impression of its meaning (involving a woman's booty blowing up or smth...ahh, what we would do without mental pictures?). Funny...funny...well, the funniest thing I have heard this week would involve a joke that might offend some people with the lack of some growth on their pate, but what the hell, at least it isn't racist. Here goes: Men who bald from their foreheads (starting with the receding hairline, ending up with a U-shaped hair-growth pattern when seen from bird's-eye view) are people who THINK. Men who bald from like the middle of the head (where they end up having a fringe and then a ring-shaped hair-growth pattern when seen from bird's eye view) are people who are SEXY. Men who bald completely (with their head being as hairless as a baby's butt) are people who THINK they are SEXY. ROTFLOL. Oh nvm. Toodles~ (0) comments The second Sunday from the day this BLOG was conceived. Fun stuff. It is utterly sad that even when I know bits of HTML and supposedly am good at Java, I can't even bring myself to make this look pretty unless I rack my brains for hours looking for tools and whatnot. Oh well, the day will come when this looks good. I just realised I really have no idea when my exams begin...and it's supposedly in two weeks. Fucking hell. (0) comments |
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